Morning delight

I woke up this morning with wicked stomach cramps. It was probably the Farmer's cheese I had eaten the day before making its way South. As with any kind of a sudden onset of a bodily dysfunction, the timing of this attack couldn't have been any worse as I was basically on the way out the door to make my usual two and a half hour long commute to work.

I guess the only way this could have been worse is if it had happened while I was on the train and the only bathroom there was out of toilet paper.

What then?